White House Apologizes For Accidentally Summoning The Baphomet Over The Weekend

White House Apologizes For Accidentally Summoning The Baphomet Over The Weekend

April 16th - White House officials have confirmed reports of a “monumental” breach in the fabric of space and time, which resulted in a portal to the underworld being opened for The Baphomet early Sunday morning. 

Assuring that the Trump Administration “never intended to shepherd humanity into a grave new era of perpetual darkness,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders addressed the media this afternoon before announcing “the Prince of Beasts has risen” and collapsing onto the ground, her eyes obsidian black.

Despite the harsh climate, many political allies have chosen to lend a more sympathetic tone towards the incident. 

“It could have happened to any of us, honestly,” claims Sen. Jack McKenna of Alabama, pouring himself a generous portion of black liquid into a hollowed out goat horn. “I think we've all been there...3 AM, dancing around a flaming pentagram in the nude, chanting Old Latin with your closest friends...sometimes these things happen."

Critics are calling this yet another setback in the controversial reign of the 45th President, with several celebrities taking to Twitter to vocalize their displeasure:

The Baphomet, or “The Horned King,” who shall inevitably bring forth an "eternity of macabre events, the likes of which could never be fathomed within the confines of human imagination," could not be reached for a comment at press time.

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