Unemployed Millennial With Three Master's Degrees Wishes He Had Learned Cursive
April 27th - Reports indicate that an unemployed millennial who just received his third master's degree from Georgetown University is having some serious regrets about never having learned to write in cursive.
Garrett, a local grad student who now has a master's degree in business, education, and sociology, has found the job market incredibly frustrating despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on premium education.
“Everyone thinks I’m just being lazy, but I’m trying so damn hard here,” said Garrett. “The uppercase ‘Q’ is what always gets me. It doesn’t even look like a Q. And the lowercase ‘z’ is a lost cause at this point. I’m never going to get a job at this rate...not knowing how to write in cursive is going to haunt me forever.”
Garrett says he was offered an entry-level position at a company in New York City, but was unable to accept the position due to the fact that his monthly rent was expected to be approximately 15 times higher than his annual salary.
“Are there jobs out there? Sure there are,” said Garrett. “But I don’t think that working as a waiter is going to allow me to pay off my student debt within the next five decades. I’ve had a couple of interviews, but there’s so much competition and there just aren’t enough positions available to fit the demand. I’m really starting to wish I had learned cursive when I was a kid, because I feel like that’s really holding me back.”