Yankees Manager Says Jacoby Ellsbury Current Favorite To Be Starting Beer Vendor On Opening Day
March 10th – Aaron Boone, the first-year manager of the New York Yankees, shocked reporters today when he announced that outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury was currently a favorite to have a starting role for the team at the end of spring training.
“I'm really excited about the potential that Jacoby has shown us over the first few weeks of the spring,” said Boone. “He can carry two full coolers at the same time, and last week I saw him toss a can of beer directly to a fan that was sitting two sections away from him. Unfortunately, he tore his hamstring in the process, but if he can get himself healthy by the end of March, he'll have a starting spot on this team.”
Boone isn't the only one that's been impressed by Ellsbury lately. Brian Cashman, the general manager of the Yankees, also had kind words to say about the former outfielder.
“When I signed Jacoby to a 7-year, 153 million dollar contract, I envisioned him as a starting outfielder in New York for years to come,” said Cashman. “Thanks to the help of my family and friends, I quit doing drugs shortly after that, and now I've built a potential dynasty here in the Bronx. While he won't be stepping foot on the actual field, I'm happy that Jacoby will get to be a part of the experience.”
In an attempt to recoup some of the costs of Ellsbury's $21 million annual salary, Cashman says that Ellsbury will be taking on the role of not just one beer vendor, but all the beer vendors, and will be responsible for serving beer to the entire stadium.