Source: Cookie Monster Considered Top Choice For Supreme Court Nomination After Promising To Overturn Roe V. Wade
June 28th - A source has indicated that Cookie Monster, a long-time resident of Sesame Street, has leapfrogged several potential candidates for the newly vacant Supreme Court position following a statement that he made in which he promised to overturn Roe V. Wade and criminalize all abortions.
Despite the fact that Cookie Monster has absolutely no prior experience with the law and suffers from a crippling addiction to cookies, President Trump says he recognizes where his base stands on the issue of abortion and would like to reward them by nominating a monster to the Supreme Court.
“Does he have any experience with the law? Do you have any experience with the law? I didn’t think so. Maybe before you consider attacking a fine, upstanding monster, you should consider attacking yourself,” said Trump. “The evangelicals voted me in here for one reason, and I’m pretty sure that reason was to make sure that abortions remain legal and readily available to everybody. That’s what Roe V. Wade is, right? If I’m being honest, I haven’t watched the show yet, but I’ll stream it on Netflix later to make sure I’m caught up on all the important details. I’ve heard tremendous things.”
Ignoring further questions having to do with Cookie Monster’s stance on hot-button issues such as gay marriage, freedom of speech, and cookies, Trump decided to instead focus on the immense ratings that Mr. Monster would bring to the highest court in the United States.
“The ratings could be higher right now, I’m sure, but once Justice Monster is sworn in I have full confidence that the Supreme Court will once again be the most popular, highly watched court there is,” beamed Trump. “Much better than that pathetic Judge Judy.”