Self-Checkout Machine Fired For Taking Too Many Smoke Breaks
March 18th - Sources say that a self-checkout machine at a local grocery store has been fired for taking advantage of a store policy that allows employees who smoke to take occasional breaks during their shifts.
The self-checkout machine was hired by store manager Pete Sanchez several months ago in order to avoid hiring an actual human being, but the young machine quickly learned how to take advantage of the company rules.
“When I hired TED 3.0, I was sure that I was making a good decision for our store,” said Sanchez. “I figured it would cut down on costs, allow customers to have a quick and easy shopping experience, and avoid all the headaches that come with having real human employees. But TED quickly became a bigger pain in the ass than any teenager I’ve ever hired.”
Sanchez received countless complaints from customers about his self-checkout machine simply powering down whenever it didn’t feel like working, as well as closing down its lane in order to take regular smoke breaks.
“I know TED didn’t smoke when I hired it, but that quickly changed once I told it that we allowed our employees who smoke to take occasional breaks,” said the disgruntled manager. “I’m also not sure if TED was just being lazy when it powered down, or if there may have been a little bit of racism tied in. I couldn’t help but notice that TED only powered down when minorities were in its line. I wish TED the best in its future endeavors, but it just wasn’t working out here.”