Say Goodbye To Your Vacuum: For Just $50, Mark Wahlberg Will Come To Your House And Blow The Crumbs And Dirt Off Your Carpet

Say Goodbye To Your Vacuum: For Just $50, Mark Wahlberg Will Come To Your House And Blow The Crumbs And Dirt Off Your Carpet

Los Angeles, CA - Some good news for people with dirty floors: you don’t have to waste all your precious time and energy vacuuming your entire carpet anymore! Actor Mark Wahlberg has announced that for just $50, he will come to your house and personally blow all of the food crumbs and dirt off of your rug.

“I’ve always hated dirt. That’s the honest truth,” said Wahlberg. “I get so angry when I see dirt that I feel like going out and screaming motivational life advice at a homeless person for hours. But that wouldn’t be a productive use of my time, so instead, I’m willing to travel to your house or apartment and blow all the crumbs and dirt off of your floor. All I ask in return is $50 and a glass of water, because blowing all those dirty carpets makes me really thirsty.”

Campus Security Mystified As To How All These Minors Appear To Be Intoxicated Despite Zero-Tolerance Underage Drinking Policy

Campus Security Mystified As To How All These Minors Appear To Be Intoxicated Despite Zero-Tolerance Underage Drinking Policy

Big Farm Upstate Forced To Start Euthanizing Dogs Due To Overpopulation Concerns

Big Farm Upstate Forced To Start Euthanizing Dogs Due To Overpopulation Concerns