Report: Remaining 14 Percent Of Rob Gronkowski’s Functioning Brain Cells Leaning Towards Retirement

Report: Remaining 14 Percent Of Rob Gronkowski’s Functioning Brain Cells Leaning Towards Retirement

April 3rd - Sources indicate that the remaining 14 percent of Rob Gronkowski’s functioning brain cells are leaning towards retirement, while the other 86 percent can’t wait to go out and spike footballs in the end zone for years to come.

The New England Patriots’ legendary tight end, who has dealt with severe injuries throughout the course of his Hall of Fame career, has reportedly been considering retirement lately, rather than continuing to play in the NFL. 

While Gronk admits that the injuries are starting to pile up, the majority of his brain cells are severely damaged by concussions that he has sustained over the last several years, which is severely hindering his ability to make a rational decision, as well as his ability to speak in full sentences.

“Gronk smash. Football play good, win touchdown for team,” said Gronkowski. “Brain hurt sometimes, but play still great.”

The 14 percent of Gronkowski’s brain cells that are still functioning properly are doing everything they can to talk some sense into the tight end, but sadly they are being drowned out by a loud, ringing noise in both of his ears. 

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