Report: Great White Shark Attacked By Human Off Coast Of California

Report: Great White Shark Attacked By Human Off Coast Of California

March 30th - Reports indicate that a shark has been attacked by a human just off the coast of Santa Monica, California.

The shark is believed to have sustained minor flesh wounds and is expected to survive the ordeal, although it is not known whether it will regain its powerful swimming abilities.

“We were all just swimming in a circle like we always do, looking for some fish to snack on, when suddenly this human comes out of nowhere and just took a giant bite out of my husband’s dorsal fin,” said the shark’s loving wife, Penelope. “Luckily, we learned in shark school that you have to repeatedly bop an aggressive human on the nose and they will eventually get scared and leave you alone.”

While records of human attacks on sharks are not altogether common, that knowledge has not eased the fears of local sharks, who say they are afraid to swim too close to the shore out of fear that a leathery human wearing $900 sunglasses and driving a jet-ski will attack them as well.

“I’m hesitant to let my children swim anywhere near the shoreline after what happened to Mark,” said Penelope. “I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if one of them were to be attacked - or even worse, captured and sent to SeaWorld.”
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