Repetitive Advertising Has No Effect On Me, Says Man Eating ‘Five Dollar Footlong’ For Third Time This Week
April 8th - A local man proudly announced that repetitive advertising, as well as advertising in general, has absolutely no effect on his brain or on his decision-making abilities.
Eric Henderson, a 25 to 34-year-old from a suburban area, claims that companies such as McDonald’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Subway, whose ads can frequently be seen across all media platforms, are wasting their time and resources attempting to persuade him to buy their products.
“Do they honestly think that, by showing me the same ad for a ‘five-dollar black forest ham footlong sub (limited time only)’ on a daily basis, they’re going to persuade me to actually buy one?” said Henderson while polishing off one of the cookies that came with his Subway meal. “Everybody knows I’m partial to the Italian B.M.T. I’m actually embarrassed for Subway because they probably spend tons of money running constant ads and they don’t work on me at all.”
Henderson also found it ridiculous that Dunkin’ Donuts felt it necessary to bombard his incredibly large brain with repetitive advertising.
“America runs on Dunkin’? No...America doesn’t run at all, and that’s a huge problem,” said Henderson while eating a jelly-filled munchkin and sipping a mediocre-tasting iced coffee with a dangerous amount of sugar inside. “Maybe if Dunks spent less time trying to get inside my head and more time on the quality of their product, I’d eat there more than four times per week.”