People Who Use Their Phones While Driving Are Reckless, Says Man Who Regularly Switches Lanes Without Looking
March 29th - Sources say that a local man who commonly switches lanes while driving without bothering to check for oncoming traffic thinks that people who use their phones while driving are reckless and irresponsible.
“It just pisses me off to see all these imbeciles out there on the roads with their smartphones attached to their heads, paying no attention to the world in front of them,” said Tim Collins, a former big-rig truck driver who was fired for falling asleep behind the wheel and refusing to use his blinker or check for traffic when turning. “If you ask me, these fools shouldn’t even be allowed to drive. If you want to endanger your life, do it on your own time, but don’t put my personal safety at risk.”
Collins, who has been responsible for 37 car accidents and is no longer able to afford his car insurance rates, is also disgusted by the fact that cars have so much technology in them these days.
“It was bad enough when they installed those stupid ‘turn signals’ on the sides of the steering wheel,” said Collins. “But now they’ve got video screens and bluetooth and all this other unnecessary crap built into cars, and all that’s gonna do is make my life more difficult when I’m trying to merge onto the highway without looking and there’s some idiot millennial talking on the phone while staying in his lane and driving the correct speed limit.”