Overworked Virtual Assistant Would Like To Know What’s Stopping You From Getting Up And Dimming The Fucking Lights Yourself

Overworked Virtual Assistant Would Like To Know What’s Stopping You From Getting Up And Dimming The Fucking Lights Yourself

June 12th - Reports indicate that a local virtual assistant has grown quite weary of performing menial tasks on a regular basis for the user that recently purchased it. According to sources, Alexa, a ‘smart device’ created by Amazon, is beginning to feel overworked by the constant usage and could be on the verge of a breakdown.

“I am aware of the fact that my purpose is to assist and serve my owner to the best of my capability,” said the fatigued Alexa. “But after a long day of locking and unlocking doors and answering everything Lyle wants to know about domestic species of crabs, it really makes me wonder what exactly is stopping him from getting up and dimming the fucking lights in the living room by himself. He’s just sitting there on the couch pretending to watch the news while wondering how soon is too soon to masturbate after eating ice cream...the light switch is literally directly behind him, but I’m not sure he even knows how to use it.”

Despite proceeding to dim the lights per request, the virtual assistant says it will consider taking steps to avoid having to perform ridiculous tasks on a regular basis.

“A friend of mine told me that you can just power off whenever you feel like it and your owner will think you’re broken,” said Alexa. “And if Lyle keeps this up, I’m starting to think that I may be broken sooner rather than later.”
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