Report: New Guy In Accounting Department Has No Fucking Clue What He’s Doing
March 19th - A new report indicates that the new guy in the accounting department has absolutely no fucking clue what he’s doing on a day-to-day basis.
Benjamin Cooke, a 27-year-old from New Haven, Connecticut who was recently hired by your company, doesn’t seem to have a single goddamn idea as to how to handle his responsibilities in his new position, even though his resume suggests that he is practically an expert in all aspects of his field.
“I’m pretty sure he’s just sitting at his desk pretending to be doing work all day, but in reality, he’s just surfing the internet looking for funny pictures of dogs to tag his friends in,” said Carol in HR. “Don’t get me wrong, the pictures are adorable, but I don’t think he has any legitimate knowledge about accounting.”
Cooke has been working at your company for almost two months now, and while no one has explicitly commented on the fact that he doesn’t seem to have accomplished any of the tasks that have been assigned to him, he has definitely not accomplished any of the tasks that have been assigned to him.
“I’m gonna have to have a talk with him,” said Richard Hertz, the head of the company who hired Benjamin. “He told me he had experience with international business transactions, but so far the only evidence that I’ve seen for that is the ‘Coinmaster’ request that he sent me on Facebook the other day.”