Minor Caught Purchasing Discounted Movie Tickets For Local 21-Year-Olds
April 28th - Sources say that a local 9-year-old has been caught in the act of purchasing discounted movie tickets for 21-year-olds, and will be facing up to six months in prison.
Timmy, a third grader from Tulsa, has been accused of using his “children under 12” discount at the local movie theater to purchase tickets for adults over the age of 21 who are no longer minors and thus not allowed to receive discounted tickets.
“So I took some money from some people who needed a service that I was in a position to provide,” said Timmy, who loves baseball cards and wishes his parents still loved each other. “Does that make me a criminal? Maybe in the eyes of the law...but I’m just trying to do what I have to do to put some money in my pockets, you know what I mean? Gotta put food on the table somehow.”
The rapscallions who have been accused of paying young Timmy for the discounted tickets have been let off with a warning and told never to do this again or there will be serious consequences.
“21-year-olds attending movies at discounted rates?” said Officer Nodice. “Not in my town. Go do what 21-year-olds are supposed to do: drink copious amounts of alcohol and show up late to class on Mondays. But whatever you do, stay away from our movie theaters unless you’re willing to pay full price for our tickets.”