Man Starting To Suspect He's Been Listening To Christian Rock
April 22nd - In what he's calling “potentially the biggest mistake of [his] life,” 32-year-old self-proclaimed agnostic Travis Burns has begun to suspect that he has, in fact, been listening to Christian rock music for the past several days.
“They were listed under 'alternative’ on Wikipedia,” Burns said of the band he found on Spotify. “But then they also showed up in an online article from 'LivingFaith.com.’ Is it an evangelical Christian website? I honestly can't even tell. I saw an interview and the lead singer said his lyrics are 'very personal and they outline the essence of my spiritual philosophy.’ What the fuck does that mean?”
Sources say that the band, known as Out of the Pit (which may or may not be a reference to Proverbs 28:10, because who even knows at this point), formed in 2003 and have performed at festivals such as Lollapalooza and Warped Tour but also something called “Shepherd's Crossing ‘06,” further adding to their murky origins.
“Maybe I'll never know,” mused Burns. “I'm gonna need to really listen carefully to their upcoming album 'Thru U’. I mean, that doesn't have to refer to God or Jesus, right? Right?”