Man Finally Comes Up With Perfect Plan For First Date Activity Before Realizing No One Has Agreed To Date Him
April 14th - Reports indicate that a local man has finally come up with the perfect plan for a romantic, spontaneous first date activity, shortly before realizing that no one has agreed to date him.
Rod Roe, a software designer from South Carolina, says he’s been trying to formulate perfect first date activities in his head for the last several weeks but just recently experienced a major epiphany.
“I came up with the perfect date plan. We’re gonna have a romantic picnic on the beach at sunset while the ocean animals serenade us with their beautiful melodies,” said Rod. “Just like in ‘The Little Mermaid.’ Then we’ll try to get as much sand as possible out of our asses, rub aloe-vera on the hundreds of fresh mosquito bites that we received during our picnic while trying to keep seagulls from eating the Lunchables that I brought, and attempt to have uncomfortably awkward sex in the back of my Mini-Cooper.”
Despite Mr. Roe’s mind-boggling event planning skills, his elation faded quickly after realizing that no one had actually agreed to go on a date with him.
“I feel like I might be missing something here,” said Rod as he looked over his date plans. “Why do I use the word ‘we’ so much? Oh man, I probably need to ask a girl out for this, don’t I? Well, I’m sure my paralyzing fear of interacting with women has improved on its own over the last couple of months, so it shouldn’t be that hard to find a taker.”