Man At Memorial Day Barbecue Too Drunk To Remember Who He’s Supposed To Be Remembering
May 28th - Sources say that Brent, a local man attending a Memorial Day barbecue hosted by friends of his family, is far too drunk to remember who he’s supposed to be remembering today.
Brent, who showed up to the barbecue at 11 AM with a six-pack of Busch Light and a pre-opened can of Four Loko, says he knows that Memorial Day is meant to be a day of remembrance, but due to his current circumstances, he is experiencing difficulty remembering exactly who he’s supposed to be remembering.
“Look, today is a very special day. I know that. I’m not here for the free food and perfect excuse to get hammered on a Monday afternoon,” said Brent while scanning the backyard for a wine cooler to wash down his six pack of beers. “I’m proud to be an American, and I’m dedicating my last Busch Latte to all the honorable members of the Cleveland Cavaliers who laid down their lives last night in sacrifice for our great nation. Now if you’ll excuse me, I smell margaritas.”
Brent’s parents, who both served overseas for twelve years as U.S. Marines, declined to comment for the story.