Local Councilwoman Denying Claims That She “Couldn’t Wait For Summer” After Experiencing First Mosquito Bite

Local Councilwoman Denying Claims That She “Couldn’t Wait For Summer” After Experiencing First Mosquito Bite

May 30th - Sources say that Priscilla Bates, a councilwoman as well as a longtime community activist, has been staunchly denying accusations of her affinity for summer after a recent altercation with a vampiric pest. Reports that she had spent several weeks leading up to the shift in temperatures frequently expressing a deep desire for warm weather have spread like wildfire on social media, especially after Ms. Bates was spotted “aggressively rubbing, scratching and sometimes even slapping” a raised red blemish on her left arm. 

In a since-removed Tweet, posted on April 3rd, 2018, the councilor was quoted as saying “Is anyone else tired of this cold weather? #snowinapril #brrr #cantwaitforsummer." It is this final hashtag that has been the center of the scandal, leaving many to question whether or not her heat bias acted as a blinder that prevented her from truly enjoying the lack of presence of blood-sucking hell flies during the winter months. 

Ms. Bates’ political opponents have wasted no time taking full advantage of this meteorological oversight. 

“Look, the reality is, as much as winter can be a drag, I’ve never had a West Nile Virus-carrying snowflake draw plasma from my arm and inject me with an itch-inducing poison,” claimed Adrian Ferreira, the leader of the opposition, while addressing the media yesterday evening. “At the end of the day, we can’t just keep holding summer up on a pedestal just because of trending hashtags like #patioseason and #beachlife. We have a responsibility to ensure future generations are aware of how lucky we are when all the mosquitoes die for 6-7 months of the year.”

At press time, Ms. Bates could not be reached for an official comment, though it should be noted that an Instagram post of a snow-filled driveway with the caption “😤😤😤” has since been deleted. A video has surfaced of Priscilla allegedly reopening the scab of her bite following a vicious scratching frenzy, though the validity of this video has yet to be confirmed.

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