Kanye West Announces That Dying From Brain Cancer Is A Choice
May 2nd - Sources say that rapper/fashion icon Kanye West has announced that dying from brain cancer is a choice that people make consciously, because 'there’s no way people can be forced to deal with cancer for so many years and not be able to find a solution.'
“It’s a mindset,” said Kanye. “If you believe that you have brain cancer, then you’re gonna die of brain cancer. You have to rise above that; you have to be transcendent, you have to learn how to join together and fight the cancer cells that are attacking your brain from all sides on a constant basis. If you can’t summon the will to do that then I just feel sorry for you. Dying from brain cancer is a choice, man.”
Doctors, scientists, and small children were all able to provide substantial evidence proving that dying from brain cancer is definitely not a choice, but the rapper was unwilling to back down from his argument.
“Of course y’all are gonna tell ‘Ye that he’s full of shit, that he’s losing his mind, that he’s crazy,” said West while furiously scribbling back and forth with a white crayon on a blank piece of paper. “I’ve been through life. I’ve survived life. And now I have all the knowledge. All the information. Stick with me, and you’ll never go hungry again.”