Jacoby Ellsbury Desperately Trying To Get His Lunch Money Back From Giancarlo Stanton And Aaron Judge
February 12th - Just hours after members of the New York Yankees reported for Spring Training, two clubhouse attendants found outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury sobbing in a locker, claiming that Giancarlo Stanton and Aaron Judge had stolen his lunch money.
The recently acquired Stanton and teenage heartthrob Aaron Judge check in at 6’6 and 6’7, respectively, which clearly frightened the feeble Ellsbury. According to the disgruntled outfielder, the two outfielders ambushed him in the locker room and played keep-away with his glove before stealing his lunch money and pushing him into a locker.
New Yankees manager Aaron Boone said he would speak with Judge and Stanton.
“I’ll have a talk with those two for sure,” Boone said. “I can’t have bullying problems in my locker room. Of course, the final decision is up to them, so we’ll see what happens. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure they’re taking turns bench-pressing Jacoby’s car out in the parking lot right now. We’ll see what happens.”
Ellsbury is expected to be the odd man out on a star-laden roster this year in New York, but the Yankees insist he’s still an integral part of the team.
“I love Jacoby,” said Clint Frazier, a rising star outfielder who will most likely be Ellsbury’s replacement. “He’s like a brother to me. As a matter of fact, he should be back any minute with my laundry and groceries. I just hope for his sake that he didn't forget to have my shirts properly ironed this time.”