Jacoby Ellsbury Eats Some Undercooked Seafood, Expected To Miss Five To Six Months
March 19th - Sources say that New York Yankees outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury ate some undercooked seafood last night, and as a result, he is expected to be out of action for the next five to six months.
Yankees manager Aaron Boone told the media that he is disappointed in the seafood, but wants to make sure that Ellsbury takes all the time he needs to heal.
“We don’t want to rush him back,” said Boone. “An upset stomach is no walk-in-the-park, and we want to make sure that Jacoby is fully recovered before we attempt to put him back out there. Speaking of walks in the park, one of our coaches told me that Ellsbury went for one yesterday and broke four ribs in the process. We’re not going to rush this one.”
Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said that Ellsbury’s health is their number one priority.
“We just want to make sure we have our starting beer vendor back, and healthy,” said Cashman. “The doctor said these things can take some time to heal, especially when the patient’s bones are made out of glass and his organs are made out of silly putty.”
The Yankees are expected to replace Ellsbury on the roster with a bar of soap.