“I Never Asked To Be Part Of This Stupid Government,” Sobs President Trump After Being Told To Eat His Vegetables
April 21st - Reports out of the White House indicate that President Trump is not happy with his administration after they suggested that he eat some of the vegetables on his plate during last night’s dinner.
According to witnesses, Vice President Mike Pence leaned over to Trump and told him that he would never grow up to be big and strong unless he stopped playing with his vegetables and started eating them. Trump refused, which caused Jeff Sessions to sternly announce that if he didn’t finish every single one of his peas, he’d lose his video game privileges for a month.
“I hate it here. Nobody ever lets me do what I wanna do, and everyone’s always trying to get me to eat gross foods and say smart words,” sobbed President Trump as he hastily threw his action figures and phone charger into his backpack. “I never even asked to be part of this stupid government. I’m just gonna run away and never come back. That’ll show them.”
Just before press time, a Secret Service agent found Trump, who had been hiding in a secret fort that he had built on the White House lawn.