Harry Potter Defaults On Student Loan Payments, Returns To Cupboard Under Stairs
March 21st - Just a few short years after defeating Lord Voldemort and cementing his reputation as the savior of the wizarding world, Harry Potter has defaulted on his student loan payments from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and declared wizard bankruptcy. According to those that are close with Mr. Potter, he has made the difficult decision to return to his cupboard under the stairs - the very same cupboard in which his aunt and uncle forced him to live for the first eleven years of his life.
“When the bills started coming in we thought we could manage,” said Harry’s ex-wife, Ginny. “Harry started working three jobs...he was giving flying lessons in the morning, teaching night classes at Hogwarts, and in his spare time he was a Walmart greeter. No matter how hard he worked, we just couldn’t afford the payments, and so we were forced to sell our house and one of our kids.”
Hogwarts has been under heavy scrutiny lately due to accusations of excessive raises in tuition fees, which has led to record numbers of wizard graduates returning home to live with their parents.
“It’s bad enough that we have seven years of mandatory schooling,” said an anonymous fourth-year Hufflepuff. “I’ll be in wizard debt for the rest of my life if they keep raising costs like this.”
“They expect me to pay 200 galleons for a Potions book that I’ll only use for one year,” said a fifth-year Ravenclaw. “If I had known that getting a degree would be this expensive, I would’ve just started selling gillyweed like my cousin.”
While the fact that everyday Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are struggling has opened many eyes to the worsening student debt crisis, experts hope that now that someone important is struggling people will actually do something about it.