General Confusion Nominated For Top Military Position
April 10th - Reports indicate that a nomination has been declared for a top spot in the United States military, filling a vital role that will have a major influence on U.S. military strategies.
General Lhasa Confusion, who hails from somewhere on the East Coast of the United States, will begin his responsibilities as a head military strategist and decision-maker, effective Monday.
General Confusion will be taking over a large portion of the military, a move that pleases President Trump, who has spoken quite fondly of the general.
“Confusion and I go way back, believe me,” said President Trump. “I’d go as far as to say we’re childhood friends. Our military is in much better shape now that General Confusion is involved, let me just say.”
As for Confusion, he seems to be slightly overwhelmed at the idea of his new title, despite his nervous claims that he is confident in his ability to take over.
“Yeah, I think I know what I’m doing here,” said the general. “I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure. We’ll be alright most likely. Just trust me, and hopefully, I’ll be effective.”