First Signs Of Alien Life Recorded As Planet GJ 273B Sends Official Standardized Test Scores To NASA
June 6th - Reports indicate that the very first signs of alien life have been recorded after NASA received a transmission from newly discovered planet GJ 273B indicating remarkably high standardized test scores from the local alien high schools.
The transmission from planet GJ 273B included a brand new iOS update and thousands of new emojis, as well as standardized test scores from each of the planet’s regional high school programs.
“This may be the most incredible breakthrough we’ve ever had in the scientific community. We now have indisputable evidence that extraterrestrial lifeforms do exist outside of planet Earth,” said Lauren Matthews, a senior member of NASA’s space exploration program. “The information we’ve received from GJ 273B is astonishing. Unfortunately, it appears that the United States’ standardized test ranking has dropped once again, as these alien high schools have outscored us in every single category. Every single student on this alien planet has clearly been well-versed on the workings of the Pythagorean Theorem.”
Despite the extraordinary test scores, U.S. officials say they have doubts about the validity of the report and will be sending agents to planet GJ 273B to authenticate the results.
“How do we know that these aliens aren’t simply cheating on their tests? We have no way to verify that these ‘standardized tests’ have been properly vetted and supervised by authority figures,” said an anonymous member of the CIA. “Or worse, how do we know that these schools aren’t lying about their test results in an attempt to receive more federal funding? We’ll be sending an investigative team to their planet immediately.”