Dead Writer Really Would Have Preferred To Have Had Respect Of Critics While Alive
May 25th - According to multiple reports, local dead author Milton Chambers, who died in 1892 a poor and alcoholic loner, said he really would have preferred it if all the appreciation and respect for his body of work had instead taken place while he was alive. Citing his last few days, in which he rambled around town at night suffering from delirium caused by syphilis, Chambers said he probably wouldn't have died had he been as beloved as he would be after 1947.
“It started with this one academic who praised my work and before you know it, I'm being taught in schools. Unfortunately, none of that helped me when I was a debilitating drunk through the 1880’s struggling to pay for food and shelter. A local critic back then said my work was infantile and that anyone who enjoyed it should be struck blind on the spot by God himself. Pretty rough stuff.”
Insisting he doesn’t take his later fame and relevance for granted, Chambers told reporters that he merely wishes he hadn’t died before age 55, particularly due to circumstances that could have been avoided had he been afforded the confidence, happiness and commercial success that would have surely come with the love and respect of critics, readers and members of his own family.
“It's just a little disappointing that the last thing I saw in life was my own blood-inflected spittle being yakked out of my throat hole,” Chambers said. “Probably would have made a really killer Chambers-esque poem now that I think of it. Guess we'll never see that one.”