Bernie Sanders Promises New Approach To 2020 Presidential Campaign: “This Time I’m Not Kissing Any Of Your Smelly Babies”
Montpelier, VT - Senator Bernie Sanders has announced his candidacy for the 2020 presidential election, adding a familiar face to the crowded field of Democratic candidates. After losing the nomination to Hillary Clinton in 2016, the senator from Vermont is facing questions about what he plans to do differently the second time around.
“This will not be a repeat of 2016, I can promise you that. Despite losing the nomination to Senator Clinton, I am extremely proud of the way we campaigned, and I stand by my message to the country that we will no longer allow corporations and the super wealthy to control the 99 percent,” said Senator Sanders. “Having said that, there will be changes to our 2020 approach, namely that I refuse to kiss any more of your smelly-ass babies. I’ll take a selfie, I’ll shake your hand...hell, I’ll even give you what the kids these days are calling a ‘fist-bump.’ But I’m not kissing some infant with a pile of fresh shit in their diaper just for a photo-op. Feel the Bern!”