Bad Guy Without Gun Tries Throwing Bullets At People, To No Avail

Bad Guy Without Gun Tries Throwing Bullets At People, To No Avail

April 5th - Reports indicate that a bad guy without access to a gun has been attempting to throw bullets at people in an effort to kill them, without much success to this point.

The bad guy, who definitely doesn’t live in the United States, has found it incredibly difficult to obtain a gun, despite numerous attempts.

“I just want to make one thing clear,” said the bad guy. “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Would it be a lot easier if I had a gun? Probably...but throwing bullets at people should do the trick.”

Police are unsure as to whether or not they should charge the bad guy with attempted murder, as he has yet to come close to actually murdering - or injuring - anybody. 

“He’s definitely breaking some rules here,” said a local law enforcement official. “I’m just not really sure which rules...one of his throws hit someone in the arm and they said it stung for a while, so I guess that’s assault. This guy clearly has some serious issues, so we’ll take him into our top-notch mental health facilities and see if we can get him straightened out in there.”
Apple To Release New Marijuana-Themed Emojis, Right After This Insane Documentary On Gray Wolves

Apple To Release New Marijuana-Themed Emojis, Right After This Insane Documentary On Gray Wolves

Pope Confirms Detroit Doesn’t Actually Exist, Is Merely A Construct Of Our Imaginations

Pope Confirms Detroit Doesn’t Actually Exist, Is Merely A Construct Of Our Imaginations