As Man's To-Do List Reaches Second Page, He Realizes He Should Probably Just Fucking Do Something Already
April 19th - Reports indicate that a local man sat down last weekend in an attempt to get his life in order, putting organization and task management first in the new year by creating a to-do list of things to do in order to gain perspective on what he needed to do in order to increase his happiness in 2018.
Conor Stevenson began Sunday afternoon by creating a short list of a few items, which ranged from taking out the trash to getting his car washed.
"It seemed to be going pretty well," remarked Stevenson, "But then my hand started to cramp up and I realized it had been three hours and I still was just listing things to do."
Stevenson had indeed begun the list in an earnest effort to be more productive, but slowly realized he was utilizing the list itself as a method of procrastination.
Further reports indicate that around item number 187 on the list - which was "alphabetize unread junk mail" - is when Stevenson realized that he should probably just fucking do something already.
Stevenson spent several minutes trying to decide if he should file his taxes, feed his fish, buy a fish to feed, organize the pantry, go for a run, vacuum the living room, pay bills, call his mother, read a book, update his work schedule, find a job, clean the front closet, or one of the other 228 items on his to-do list, then began to add some more to be sure that he wasn't missing anything.
Finally realizing he should probably start to be productive, he closed his eyes and pointed to a random numbered item on his list. He then landed on the number four item on his list, which was "type to do list" - which he promptly began working on, finishing just minutes before bedtime. Sources say Stevenson fell asleep that night feeling "accomplished" despite having failed to alphabetize his junk mail.