Report: An Apple A Day Won’t Keep The Doctor Away If You Have Lung Cancer

Report: An Apple A Day Won’t Keep The Doctor Away If You Have Lung Cancer

March 24th - Sources say that, despite the popular advice of medical professionals that an apple a day will keep the doctor away, an apple a day will not keep the doctor away if you have been diagnosed with lung cancer.

“Eating an apple every day is certainly beneficial to your overall health, and, along with most fruits and vegetables, will help you avoid medical issues that would require a visit to a doctor,” said Trevor Phillips, an expert in the field of apples. “However, our studies suggest that an apple a day won’t keep the doctor away if you have lung cancer. If you have lung cancer you can eat all the apples you want, but you will still need to see a medical professional on a regular basis.”

According to more experts, data suggests that eating an apple on a daily basis is a fantastic idea, but more importantly, smoking cigarettes on a daily basis is a horrible idea that will massively increase your chances of obtaining lung cancer, as well as numerous other medical conditions.

“If you smoke regularly, you’re basically taking the progress that you’ve made from eating all of those apples and throwing it out the window,” said Billy Jean, who is not my lover. “Continue to eat those apples, but just remember that it won’t do you a damn bit of good if you have lung cancer.”
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