Smirnoff Denies That New “Super Bubble Berry Blast” Flavor Of Vodka Is Marketed For Children

Smirnoff Denies That New “Super Bubble Berry Blast” Flavor Of Vodka Is Marketed For Children

February 27th - Representatives from Smirnoff, a popular vodka brand that originated in Russia, are denying allegations that their new “Super Bubble Berry Blast” flavor of vodka is meant to be enticing to children.

“It’s ridiculous that anyone would think we wanted kids to drink alcoholic beverages,” said Dan, a senior member of Smirnoff’s marketing department. “Everyone assumes the worst of us, just because we picked a catchy name, decorated the bottle with bright colors, and put a picture of a teenager drinking it on the front of the label. Don’t get me wrong, I think kids would absolutely love the taste...but advertising alcohol to children would just be irresponsible of us.”

The new flavor of vodka is expected to hit shelves within the next month, but some liquor stores are a bit reluctant to sell the product.

“I’m not sure about this one. It was one thing when they came out with their ‘Wacky Wild Watermelon Adventure’ flavor,” said Sarah, the owner of a small liquor store in Dayton, Ohio. “But this just seems like it’s going too far.”

Advertisers from Marlboro Cigarettes are backing Smirnoff’s decision.

“Nobody cares more about the safety of kids than major alcohol distributors,” said Ryan, a high-level executive with Marlboro, and a real piece of shit. “Except for us, of course.”
At The Movies: A Review Of "Rambo: First Blood"

At The Movies: A Review Of "Rambo: First Blood"

Local Golden Retriever Thinks He Deserves More Belly Rubs

Local Golden Retriever Thinks He Deserves More Belly Rubs