O.J. Simpson: Football Superstar, Alleged Murderer...World-Class Pastry Chef?
February 22nd - Orenthal James Simpson, better known to the world as ‘O.J.’ or ‘The Juice,’ has achieved international fame due to his heroics on the football field as well as a prominent criminal history, but he now has a new claim to fame: his rising reputation as one of the world’s greatest pastry chefs.
Following an 11 year career as a running back for the Buffalo Bills and the San Francisco 49ers, Mr. Simpson briefly faced some adversity when he was considered a prime suspect in the double murder of Ron Goldman and his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. However, the American justice system prevailed and O.J. was found not guilty, which pleased everybody and was never spoken about again. After serving 9 years of a prison sentence for some light armed robbery, O.J. has decided to chase his lifelong dream of being a pastry chef, and those close to him say that the early results are absolutely delicious.
“I’ve known O.J. for a long time, and I know that some people think that he’s a ‘bad guy’ who ‘murdered two people,’” said an anonymous friend of Simpson. “But I took one bite of his raspberry danish, and there’s absolutely no way that guy could have possibly killed anybody. It was one of the most amazing sensations that my taste buds have ever experienced.”
While some remain skeptical about O.J.’s personal character as well as his tendency to murder people, food experts agree that his skills in the kitchen are unrivaled.
“If you thought he was a good football player, just wait until you taste his apple tart recipe,” said a Top Chef. “His intangibles are out-of-this-world. He whips around the kitchen just as quickly as he spun around tacklers, and he’s absolutely lightning fast with a knife in his hand.”