President Trump Announces That Texas Will Be Crowned The 2018 State Of The Union
January 30th - During tonight’s annual “State of the Union” address, President Trump has announced that Texas will be receiving the prestigious honor of 2018 State of the Union. The win by Texas comes as a shock to many, as did the fact that a review of the current condition of the United States was never mentioned once throughout the evening.
Texas is the only state in history to win this award, although that is mostly due to the fact that this has never been an award in the past. While the State of the Union address is usually a platform for the president to provide the American people with an update on the current state of affairs in the nation, the White House denied that there was any misunderstanding on behalf of President Trump, pointing to the extremely high ratings that the address had received.
While ratings were remarkably high for the evening, some viewers were skeptical about the legitimacy of the address.
“I knew something was different about this State of the Union address when I saw Ted Cruz walking around the stage in a swimsuit,” said Sarah, a real estate agent from North Carolina. “What I don’t understand is how Ted Cruz walked around the stage in a swimsuit and Texas still won.”
The president acknowledged that the decision was not easy, and with the exception of Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, 3/4ths of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Virginia, and Washington, the award could have gone to any state.
Texas has responded to the honor by promising that they would not let the award go to their heads, saying they will remain focused and are already “hard at work” defending their title for 2019.
While two State of the Union cities (Austin and Dallas) have been announced as finalists in the battle for Amazon’s new headquarters, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos claims that this development will not be a factor in his eventual decision.