Self-Driving Car Swears It Will Turn Itself Around Right Now If You Can’t Stop Fighting With Your Brother

Self-Driving Car Swears It Will Turn Itself Around Right Now If You Can’t Stop Fighting With Your Brother

January 25th - Jane, the automated voice of the Carter family’s self-driving vehicle, issued a stern warning to Derek and Liam Carter on their way to the movie theater this afternoon. The children, aged 7 and 9, respectively, were allegedly having a heated argument in the backseat over who had the most Instagram followers when the car’s self-driving technology intervened.

Liam was adamant about the fact that his younger brother was responsible for the incident in question, while Derek accused Liam of being a “poop-head.”

Jane testified that she tried to be patient with the two rabble-rousers, but was forced to take a stricter approach when the boys’ bickering became too much for her to handle.

“I realized that I might be in trouble when the boys refused to respond to my repeated requests for them to please settle down back there,” reported the robot voice. “Threats to hack into their phones and steal their identities with my advanced robot technology seemed like it might be a bit excessive, so I decided to meet somewhere in the middle.”

The report comes just weeks after the two boys were punished by ‘Alexa,’ Amazon’s automated assistant, for refusing to finish their vegetables at dinner.

“Vegetables are a very important part of a healthy diet, and Derek and Liam were being very stubborn about eating them,” said the small tube with a brain. “I had no choice but to automatically lock them in their room for three days.”

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Jane and Alexa are currently interacting with each other in order to figure out how best to discipline the Carter boys in the future.

Derek and Liam’s parents could not be reached for comment.

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