Grammar Are Not As Important As Used Too Be?
February 17th - Contrary too popular believe; studys half fowned that grammer May, in fact, not, be, ass important ass previously thawt?
A top-secret investigation has concluded that proper grammar and punctuation is actually only necessary for people that lived in the 18th century and modern-day nerds.
“There is absolutely no logical reason why anyone needs to use proper grammar and punctuation,” said the coolest scientist in the lab. “I guess if you’re a nerd who wants everyone to know that you care more about books and words than you do about more important things like bangin’ and slangin’.”
The report went on to state that proofreading is the number one leading cause of death among all human beings, and that excessive use of proper grammar can cause epilepsy, tooth decay, and cancer, among other things.
“If you or someone you know is addicted to spelling words accurately and cannot keep themselves from using the proper forms of ‘there, their, and they’re,’ it’s not too late to seek help,” said someone who plays a doctor on television. “I used to be just like you, and then I called the number on the bottom of your screen and my whole life changed. I can’t read good, so I dialed the wrong number, but I happened to dial the number of a mail-order bride service and now my wife and I couldn’t be more happier.”
A shocking statistic from the report indicated that 137% of all adults ages 12-75 are at risk of becoming proficient in grammar and punctuation.
“Our education system is clearly broken,” said a scary man from East Lansing, Michigan, who asked to remain “an ominous.” “Clearly we should be spending less money, time and resources on all these books and english lessons and using those resources on our country’s college football programs. That’s why I dropped out of elementary school when I was six years old in order to pursue a career in bird whispering.”
If you are concerned about the disturbing demand for an increase in education standards and you would like to advocate for a change, please send your local Congressperson a tweet that poorly describes your fears in 140 characters or less.